How to Make New Year's Resolutions that Stick
At the end of every year, comes a natural time of reflection. Typically, this time includes reflecting back on things we did in the past year, things we didn’t do, and then making plans for the upcoming year. Phrases like, “New Year, new me!” are common and gym memberships tend to spike as people devote themselves to making this year different. Below are some tips to make your New Year’s Resolutions sustainable.
Don't.
This may sound odd, and you may be thinking, “how can I make resolutions that stick if I don’t make them at all?!” But making New Year’s Resolutions is a routine part of our society, often they may include hopes and goals of things we want to change, without a plan to get there. They may be rooted in feelings of shame for where we are, or where we aren’t, and feelings of being not good enough. There is a reason why resolutions usually last for a few weeks and then don’t continue throughout the year. Yet we make them year after year, as if we are stuck on a hamster wheel of shame and negative beliefs.
What to do Instead:
Rather than making New Year’s Resolutions, consider setting intentions for the upcoming year.
Intentions include aspects and a lens you want to incorporate into your life. For example, this may be a shift from, “I want to go to the gym 5 times a week,” to “I want to prioritize moving my body in a balanced way.” The first resolution can create a space for black and white thinking to exist. Why 5 times? What is that based on? Often the resolutions we set are based on arbitrary numbers that we think mean something. And often when we set these number-based resolutions, if we miss a day, we can get stuck in the thought pattern of “well I missed today, so what’s the point?” and then the resolution goes out the window. The second option creates space for balance. Balance and consistency go hand in hand. It creates space to listen to your body and move however it wants to on any given day. This intention doesn’t diminish or prioritize certain forms of movement, it just focuses on moving. This can include yoga, walking, running, dancing, boxing - the opportunities are endless! You get to tune into your body, its needs, and then honor that. This also helps combat that black and white thinking because balance implies that each day will look different. Some days movement may be walking 5 miles and other days it may mean stretching. So, what intentions do you have for 2023?
Consider setting attainable goals and create a plan for how to get there.
A key to making a goal last is to meet yourself where you are in order to get to where you want to be. Read that again. When setting goals, we need to consider the person we are, the skills we have, the experience level we are at, our abilities, wants, and needs, in order to set a goal that we can attain. For example, I am not a runner. If I set a goal to run a marathon in 2023, that is not taking into consideration where I currently am. It is not considering that I can barely run a mile, that I will find any excuse to not run, and also my chronic pain I experience in my legs. That doesn’t mean that I won’t one day run a marathon, and it doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t set a goal having to do with running. However, I should set an attainable goal. Perhaps that is, “run an organized race in 2023” or “incorporate running into my movement repertoire.” Then, it is important to create a plan. What resources do I have? Well, I am a member of Peloton and they have running classes. My friend also wants to run more in 2023, can we run together, or check in on each other’s progress? Let me research different races and book one - perhaps starting with a 5k and then a 10k. A plan creates a clear path on how to get to the goal, it highlights mini goals along the way, and helps gain momentum.
Reflect on the Why
I encourage you to reflect on why you are setting certain goals and intentions. What is the root? Is it rooted in self-hate and shame? Or is it rooted in self-kindness, self-acceptance, and wanting to grow? It is important that whatever your goals and intentions are, that they honor who you are with acceptance and compassion, while recognizing that growth can happen. If the root is self-hate and shame, when you inevitably skip a day, or “mess up” in some way, then negative self-talk is likely to creep in, black and white thinking may pop up, and the goal is abandoned. However, if it is rooted in self-kindness, it takes away the “shoulds” and the “need to,” and creates the space for you to do these things because you want to. The why can be motivating in a compassionate and positive way, rather than a hateful and negative way. And guess which one is more sustainable - compassion!
Reflecting on my 2022 & 2023
Goals & Intentions
Reflecting on my own intentions and goals for 2022 and setting 2023 ones
I am a big journaler, I have journaled ever since I can remember in kindergarten. My first journal was pink, barbie, and had a lock on it - which looking back was very not me! But regardless, my journal is a place for me to turn to, to reflect, to explore, and to express myself. Naturally, my journal is my space for me to set my goals and intentions each year. Below I will reflect on a few of my goals and intentions from 2022 and then set ones for 2023:
2022 goals and intentions:
Complete EMDR basic training
Spend more time outside
Read 12 books
Grow my strength - yoga, walking, strength training
Show myself care - stretch, drink water, eat intentionally, move my body, garden, journal
Focus on weekly Peloton streak, not daily → compassion & balance & consistency
Reflecting on these goals and intentions I set for 2022, overall I feel excited. I completed some of the more concrete goals such as, “Complete EMDR training” and “Read 12 books,” but what really matters to me is the process of these goals and intentions. I wanted to read 12 books over the course of 2022 because I missed reading. I used to read for fun all of the time, and then I went to grad school, where we did so much reading that after a long day of doing work, I couldn’t imagine reading one more word. Now, being out of school, I recognized this want that I had, and figured that given my time and abilities, a book a month was an attainable goal for me. I downloaded an app to track the books I read, was reading, and want to read, and I asked friends and families for book recommendations. I also joined my public library and listened to audiobooks on my commute (while I was still commuting). I remember at one point I asked my sister, “do audiobooks count?” I had this preconceived notion that reading looked a certain way. As a special education teacher, she assured me that audio processing is a valid form of reading. I also remember that there were some months where I fell behind. In April when I launched my practice, all of my spare time was spent building my website and seeing clients in the off hours of my W2 job. I no longer had as much time to dedicate to reading. However, I was able to hold myself accountable in a compassionate way. I committed to reading even just one chapter before bed, or started listening to audiobooks. And when I had the time again, I turned to reading because I had that lens. There were some months that I read 2 or 3 books, and some months I didn’t finish a book. Although I accomplished this goal, what I’m most proud of isn’t reading 12 books, it's the process. I am most proud that I reignited a love for reading and in the process I turned towards reading over netflix or being on my phone.
Another intention I set for 2022, which was fruitful, is “Focus on my weekly Peloton streak rather than daily.” Historically, I have been a very black and white exerciser. I have set a goal to run 5 miles, I would do it out of stubbornness, and then I wouldn’t run again. I would set a goal to exercise a certain number of times a week, and when I missed a day, I would think “what’s the point?” and I would stop entirely. By creating the shift to my weekly streak rather than daily, this created space for me to find balance within consistency. I was able to hold myself accountable in a compassionate way, which led to encouragement rather than negative self talk. It allowed me to account for ME! For example, the week after Thanksgiving I got sick. I wasn’t able to walk or do yoga. But, because I had the lens of my weekly streak, I moved in a way that felt good to me. I either stretched or did guided meditation. This goal helped me take care of myself and recognize that it is going to look different day to day, week to week. I also reflected on the why. The reason why I wanted to incorporate more movement wasn't because of fitness or my body, it was because of the chronic pain I experience. Sometimes I call myself the tin man, if I stop moving I get rusty and its hard to move. I then get into a vicious cycle of being in pain, so I don’t want to move, but then not moving makes me more in pain. Having this why, reminded me that moving is helpful for my body and my pain levels. It approached movement with a lens of self-kindness rather than hate. BTW, at the time of writing this I am at a 50 week streak, so I have moved at least one time a week for the whole year so far!
Setting Goals & Intentions for 2023
I haven’t fully thought this through yet, but looking at my 2022 goals and intentions inspires my 2023 ones. I know that I will keep my “read 12 books” goal, and who knows, maybe I will read more! But regardless, I recognize this goal helped me stay accountable compassionately throughout the year and it was helpful, so I will enact it again! I will also continue my weekly Peloton streak since it was helpful in allowing me to find balance within consistency. I also want to explore new forms of movement and connect with my body in new ways - incorporating biking, boxing, pilates, maybe, its limitless! Since COVID I haven’t traveled, so I also would like to incorporate travel into my 2023, whether it be small weekend trips or the Colorado trip I have been dreaming of for years! Whichever goals and intentions I do end up writing in my journal for 2023, I will make sure they are attainable, set with compassion, and honor where I am now and where I want to be.
So, now I invite you to reflect on your 2023 goals and intentions. What are they? Why are you creating them? And are they set with compassion?
